


Precipice

by BoldlyGoingNowhereFast



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Again, First Time, M/M, jim almost dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 19:58:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1110917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoldlyGoingNowhereFast/pseuds/BoldlyGoingNowhereFast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jim suffers another near-death experience on a mission, Spock finally realizes what Jim really means to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Precipice

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place after the events of Into Darkness and is my first real Kirk/Spock story. I hope I did them justice.

Jim kicked a stone off of the cliff with the toe of his boot, watching it disappear and sighing, before turning back to gaze at the team of scientists who were buzzing around like blue bees on flowers. They were all toting tricorders which they used to examine the crusty red rock of the mountain they were standing on. Spock himself was several dozen yards away staring in fascination at his own tricorder as if it held the answer to the universe. Jim marveled at their ability to be excited about rocks.

There was something special about the surface composition of Cadus Major and it was important that the science department get samples and readings for their research. Jim had overheard a few of the science officers discussing the topic animatedly in the mess hall last week over their replicated oatmeal, and had gotten the message from Starfleet that they were most definitely coming upon a scientific discovery. Their next mission was to go to Cadus Major and learn what they could, take samples, do some discovering.  That was right up Starfleet’s alley, so they had sent the Enterprise to collect samples and make sure that the first contact with this planet went smoothly. Spock and Jim had already taken care of the meeting with the leader of the intelligent lifeforms of the planet and had been given clearance to run a research project.

If there had been pockets in the uniforms, Jim would have shoved his hands in them like a petulant teenager. He may have been the captain of the flagship of the Federation, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t _bored out of his mind._ Spock had warned him that this purely scientific part of the expedition would not be of interest to him and that he would be better off staying aboard the Enterprise, but Jim had begun to get antsy in that recycled air. That in itself was strange, considering Jim was born in recycled air and had never had an issue with it before.

As Jim stared off of the mountain that had a view of miles and miles of trees he wondered about his restlessness. It had been building over the past few months until his skin was itching with it and he was practically clawing at the smoothed walls of the ship. He needed some time on a planet with fresh air and room to breathe, and he had no idea why. He had never had this problem before, so it was only logical to wonder if the issue was linked with the Khan incident.

And then there were the times that everything felt as if it had been shifted a few centimeters to the left and his own skin itched, as if he did not fit in his own body. If it the transfusion really was to blame for these strange symptoms, there was no real way to tell, and Jim wasn’t exactly regretting the transfusion that saved his life. He could handle the clamminess and the constant need to stretch his legs as long as it meant that his legs were still functioning and his heart was still beating.

“Captain, are you well?”

 Spock’s voice coming from beside him jarred Jim out of is reverie. “Uh, I’m fine.”

“You seem to be restless, and you’ve yawned twenty times since we began this mission three point six five hours ago.” Of course Spock, who hadn’t even looked like he was watching him, had counted how many times Jim had yawned. He probably had some sort of formula to determine how many hours sleep Jim had last night based on that figure. His first officer was nothing if he wasn’t thorough when it came to making sure the Captain was healthy and mentally sound.

Jim shrugged. “Naw, I’m good. I needed the fresh air, and this view is spectacular.”

Spock’s gaze moved to the landscape below them as if questioning how a view of something as common as trees could be anything close to spectacular. Jim was wondering the same thing. “We are almost finished with our task, if you are ready to beam back up to the ship. Your presence is not required.”

Jim shook his head. “I’m fine, Spock, really.” He looked back at the science officers. “What did you discover about the rocks?” he asked, changing topics.

Spock perked slightly, something Jim found fascinating to watch. It was barely perceptible, but his eyes brightened and his tone lightened ever-so-slightly. “We discovered a new element in the composite we have sampled. It is strangely brittle, yet has extreme strength in large quantities, and I postulate that it could be extremely useful if we were to synthesize it. It is an amazing discovery, one that Starfleet and the life of the Federation could benefit from.”

“A new element, huh? You can name it after yourself, Spock!” Jim’s grin was wide. “Like, Spocktonium or something.”

The corner of Spock’s mouth twitched and there was faint fondness in his eyes, what Kirk knew to be Spock’s version of a laugh. “I do not believe that would be a good decision.”

Jim was about to counter that statement, but was left with his mouth open when they both heard a strange rumble that sounded far away and coming closer from the base of the mountain. “Wha-?”

The rock underneath them began to shake, and Jim wobbled on his feet. “Earthquake. We must back away from the edge.” Spock’s voice barely cut through the din, yet Jim could tell from the urgency in his tone what he meant. Jim was about to follow his lead when the ledge beneath his feet became extremely unstable, and there was an awful crunching sound.

The ledge was breaking away right where he was standing. He gave one startled curse as it completely broke off, and he heard Spock shout his name and saw the clear expression of horror on his face before Jim started to plummet, hands outstretched.

His descent was cut off abruptly by the most relieving feel of a firm grip around his hand, and he dangled there for a moment, his internal organs feeling as if they were in his feet, staring at the horrible drop below him before he was hauled up roughly. The momentum that Spock had used to yank Kirk over the edge combined with the rumbling ground caused them both to stumble backwards and tumble away from the ledge. They rolled to a stop facing each other on the ground, both breathing heavily as the quaking earth stilled.

Spock’s eyes were wide and his fingers were digging into Jim’s biceps. Jim could hear the startled chatter of the rest of the science team, and judging by the tone of their voices they were all unharmed, if a little bit startled. No one had been as close to the edge as Jim had been. Jim quickly tuned them out and studied Spock closer. The hands gripping his arms were shaking.

“Spock, I’m alright. You saved me. Again.”

The look on Spock’s face was disconcerting. He had seen that facial expression on Spock once before, and it was making his stomach churn painfully. The first time, Spock’s hand had been empty and there had been dirt from his destroyed planet dusting his face as he stared in shock at an empty transporter pad. It seemed as if he were reliving that moment. Jim shook Spock’s shoulders, attempting to free him from those demons.

“Spock!”

That seemed to do the trick. Spock’s gaze focused on Jim’s face and his fingers loosened slightly, but didn’t move from their spot on Jim’s arms.

“I’m alive, and I have you to thank for it,” Jim said softly, squeezing one of the hands on his arm and sitting up. “I was almost toast.”

Spock raised an eyebrow, his face clearing of its wide-eyed expression and his hands falling from Jim’s arms as he pushed himself into a sitting position. “I fail to see how falling off of a cliff would constitute a transformation into a slice of toasted bread.”

Jim laughed and stood, brushing dirt off of his uniform and watching Spock do the same. He knew for a fact that Spock understood many human colloquialisms and this was his way of making Jim attempt to explain the twisted meanings behind stupid phrases. He was a devious Vulcan if there ever was one.

Jim didn’t notice the slight tremor in Spock’s hand as he opened his communicator and requested the beam-up of the away team, nor did he notice how Spock’s eyes lingered on his back as Jim stared out one last time at the view that was a little less innocent than before.

As they all beamed back up to the Enterprise, possessing only a few scratches to account for the dangerous earthquake, the incident was shuffled to the back of Jim’s mind amidst the flurry of activity following the mission. The science department was a mess of excitement and quick cataloguing, most of them at computer screens and microscopes in the labs, and Jim didn’t see one glimpse of pointed eyebrow or ear the rest of the gamma shift. He was probably back there regulating and making brilliant leaps in the world of science. Best leave him to it.

Once his shift was over Jim made his way back to his quarters and gladly removed his uniform to replace it with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He had just settled at his desk to get started on his load of paperwork when the door chimed.

“Come,” he announced, hearing the airy slide of the automatic doors and looking up to see Spock step inside, still wearing his sciences blues. Kirk watched as Spock stood in front of him and easily fell into parade rest, seemingly serene and in control, as usual.

“What can I do for you, Mr. Spock?”

“Can you spare a moment for discussion, Captain?”

Jim leaned back in his chair and gestured to the seat across the table. “Sure, have a seat.”

Spock seemed to contemplate the effectiveness of carrying out his speech with the table between them, deciding that it was logical, and sitting gracefully in the swiveling chair.

“What’s bothering you, Spock?” There was something off about his first officer, something in the way he wasn’t holding Jim’s gaze, something disquieting about him that Jim could just barely notice.

Spock opened his mouth to refute Jim’s statement before snapping it closed again. He lowered his head slightly. “I have come to a revelation, Captain, one that would be illogical to keep from you, even detrimental to our working and personal relationships.” His hands were clasped loosely in his lap, but his shoulders were stiffer than usual, giving away his uneasiness.

Jim was intrigued and filled with slight foreboding. He allowed Spock to gather his thoughts, or if necessary, his courage.

“Raised the Vulcan way, I find it difficult to admit to strong emotion, and even harder to express it in any way. In fact, the rules of my people dictate that emotions remain checked and hidden.” He paused. “There have been two distinct figures in my life that have had the unerring ability to release my strongest emotions, seemingly without effort. One of them, my mother. That in itself is obvious based on my previous reactions to provocation.” He was motionless, and though his tone was even as if he were teaching a lesson, he was staring off to the side as if delivering his speech to the bulkhead. “The second has provoked me more than once, often without even knowing it.” His gaze finally locked with Jim’s and the Captain lost his breath. “The second person with the ability to elicit emotional responses from me is you, Jim.”

That was not what Jim had been expecting at all. He was silent, staring at Spock in shock.

“It has been difficult to remain detached as my Vulcan discipline dictates. Because of the tight control I have attempted to keep my emotions under I did not recognize them for what they were.”

Jim’s heart was pounding out of his ribcage at this point, and he was pretty sure Spock could pick it up with his Vulcan hearing. Jim thought he knew where this was going, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up for fear of his repressed feelings getting away from him.

“The unfortunate events of today’s mission were the final proof.”

 Jim swallowed and found his voice. “Proof of what, exactly?”

The gaze Spock pinned on him was inescapable. “Proof that you emotionally compromise me. Proof that I cannot lose you.” There was an extremely heavy pause. “When I managed to stop you from falling to your death, very similar images from our first mission played in my mind, ones with a much more terrible outcome. The red dirt of Cadus Major transformed to that of Vulcan, and your hand was just out of reach, exactly like my mother’s had been the day my planet was destroyed. After I had rescued you, it took me several moments to assure myself that you were safe and had not fallen with the rocks that had broken from the mountain.

“In that moment I realized what you mean to me. It took you dying once and then almost dying a second time for me to put a name to the emotions that I associate with you.”

If he said ‘friendship,” Jim was probably going to have a heart attack.

“Jim, I do not know if you return the sentiment, and understand that if you do not I will endeavor to keep my behavior unchanged, but you must know that I am in love with you.”

Kirk’s mouth was agape and he knew he probably looked a fool, but such a forward admission was the last thing he had expected out of this meeting. Could it really be true? After all this time was he finally getting what he wanted?

“You’re serious?”

“You know me well enough, Jim, that I am most always serious. Vulcans do not ‘kid,’ nor do they lie.”

“What about Uhura?” There were plenty of other questions clamoring for top spot in Jim’s head, but this was the one seemed the most important.

“If you are referring to the previous romantic relationship between Lieutenant Uhura and me, we mutually terminated it during the week that you were recovering from the transfusion. Even the Lieutennant was aware of my connection to another, and felt it would be easiest if we did not prolong a relationship neither of us was entirely devoted to.”

That explained the tension on the Bridge that had existed the first month of their five year mission. It had dissipated a few missions in, so Jim hadn’t thought much of it, but it made sense now.

At Jim’s continued silence Spock’s expression began to shutter.

“It seems I have alarmed you with my statement. I will leave you in peace, and I will not burden you with my sentiments any longer.” He began to rise from his seat. “I apologize, Captain.”

“No, Spock, wait!” Jim hastily rose and placed a steadying hand on Spock’s shoulder. His heart was still speeding. “You just caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting this at all, and I’ve spent so long repressing everything that… Just, please Spock, wait a moment.” Jim took a deep breath.

Kirk, who had become adept at reading Spock’s carefully clear face, was having trouble reading the expression on the Vulcan’s face. Jim skirted around the table and stood in front of his first officer, making eye contact bravely, his hands loose by his sides and his chin tilted upward. Everyone had said he was brave, almost stupidly so, and he wasn’t about to give up that compliment now. “I return your sentiment, Mr. Spock.”

Now Jim could easily read the barely suppressed shock on Spock’s face. They both had been harboring feelings, unaware that the other felt the same way. Typical of them, really.

“I am pleased to hear such a statement.”

Jim went out on a limb, drawing from the research he had done at the beginning of his command on all of the different species that were present on his crew in an effort to avoid offending anyone. Perhaps it would finally pay off. He held out his right hand with the first two fingers extended towards Spock.

The Vulcan’s eyes widened slightly as he looked at the offered hand and then up at Jim’s soft smile. His hand slowly mirrored Kirk’s and pressed the first two fingers of their right hands together. Jim felt a little spark of pleasure run from the connection point, down his arm, and down his spine. He grinned at Spock’s enthralled expression.

“Now I know why this is called a Vulcan kiss,” Jim said in awe. Spock’s eyes were warm as they met Kirk’s, and the wonderful novelty of the situation hit Jim in a solid wave. Never before had the touch of fingers meant so much to Jim. Never before had one man meant so much to Jim.

In a move of bravery Jim used his unoccupied hand to gently grasp Spock’s other wrist and pull him closer so there was only inches of air between their bodies. Their Vulcan kiss had broken, but with the ghosting of Spock’s hot Vulcan breath over his mouth he did not feel at all bereft. A strong grip closed over both of Kirk’s wrists.

“Being of both worlds I have found that I enjoy both the Vulcan kiss…” Spock brushed their fingers together once again, and that spark of pleasure travelled through both of them. “And the human kiss.” Spock’s lips met Jim’s, a soft press against Jim’s mouth, the action more affectionate then Jim could imagine, and it warmed his heart. Spock pulled back slightly to look at Jim with a soft gaze. He brushed a hand down the side of Jim’s face and ran a thumb over a rounded ear. Jim shivered.

“I have thought about doing this many times. It is hard to believe that I am allowed to perform such an action now.” Spock’s tone resembled the one he used when he was particularly awed by a scientific discovery, but to have such focus directed at him was almost overwhelming.

“You’re not the only one who’s fantasized, Spock,” Jim confessed, unable to keep from smiling.

When he kissed Spock, it was not with the same delicacy or tact. His arms wrapped around the back of Spock’s neck, and he pressed himself against the blue-clad chest, feeling Spock’s body heat seeping through his shirt. Spock’s hands settled on Jim’s waist and he kissed back, tilting his head, and _wow, he was a really good kisser._ The spiraling of Jim’s thoughts was quickly pushed to the back of his mind to be replaced by a pleasant hum that was somehow spreading to the rest of his body. Spock’s hands were like iron brands where they wrapped around him and settled on his back, the rest of Spock’s body a furnace that warmed Jim to the core.

They fell back onto Jim’s bed, and Spock’s weight settled heavily over him, hands pulling at the hem of his shirt in an effort to pull it off. Jim couldn’t help but chuckle at Spock’s lack of luck, pushing at his shoulders until he backed off enough so that Jim could pull the shirt off himself. Spock quickly discarded his own layered shirts, settled back down over Jim, and boy, was the skin-on-skin fabulous. It did not take much longer for the rest of their clothing to be discarded in an extremely haphazard way for the diligently organized Vulcan. The thought made Jim shiver, even under the blazing hot body that was Spock.

Jim was sure that neither of them had been with a man before, and while both of them were on a learning curve, it made their first time no less fantastic. The little sounds that Spock made, and the feel of him _dear lord_. Jim’s legs wrapped tightly around Spock’s waist and his hands tangled in the glossy black hair. He had never felt so completed.

Later, when they lay tangled together on the bed, sated and calm, Spock pressed his nose into Jim’s hair and wrapped his arms around the captain.

“You know, Spock,” Jim began sleepily. “As near-death experiences go, I’d say that one was worth it in the long run.”

Spock pulled back and raised an eyebrow at him. Because he could, Jim leaned forward and kissed that straight, expressive line. Spock couldn’t keep the small smirk off his face.

“All I did was almost fall off of a cliff, and I get _this._ ” Jim gestured to the two of them, together in bed. “I’d say that’s worth it.”

Spock nuzzled his neck before speaking. “I would have eventually realized my feelings toward you, but you are right in the fact that your near-death did expedite the process.”

Jim laughed pulled Spock’s head up so that he could kiss him again. “Maybe I should almost die more often.”

He was caught off guard when Spock quickly pinned him to the mattress in a show of his Vulcan strength. “I would prefer you didn’t,” he stated, dark eyes roving Jim’s grinning face. His normally perfect hair was mussed and his lips were green from their kisses. It was a good look on the apparently not-so-unflappable Vulcan.

“What are you going to do about it, huh, First Officer?”

“You are goading me, Captain.” There was a hint of humor in his eyes.

“Maybe I am, Mr. Spock.”

They didn’t speak for a while after that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, guys. Hopefully this will be the first in more fics to come.


End file.
